all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
