So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win