Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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