I'm eating all of the evidence.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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