Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.