you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
