She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?