Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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