Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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