Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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