you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
