Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
