and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
