i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
