you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
