got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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