Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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