My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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