My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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