I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
