the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
