I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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