I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
