i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drake has all the answers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
