Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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