Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
