Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
