Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
