I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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