My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
