Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
