sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
