don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
