I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
