Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
