So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
