You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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