As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is the high leading the old right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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