I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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