I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
