I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
