You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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