**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
