omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
