there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
