dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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