So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
