just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
