It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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