If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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