hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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