I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize