theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize