So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
