Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
