is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
