the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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