I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
