Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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