Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
