first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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