Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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