Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
