I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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