Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
