I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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