just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
