fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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