My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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