Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
