hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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