ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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