We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
