i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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