i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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