That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
