he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
